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I don’t ever go on tumblr anymore…

But, I desperately need to get this out of my system. I feel as if connections I used to have with a lot of my friends have just disappeared, and that their opinions of me have changed.. I feel as if they view me as daft, as if I truly don’t understand anything. I do well in school. I get good grades. However, I can’t break the feeling (or maybe it’s just reality) that I am in all seriousness not intelligent. It’s amazing to me how often I find myself doubting my intelligence. I never know what to say in a situation, and I wish¬†I could say there is one subject in school that I’m pretty damn good at. To my dismay, I cannot. I’m not great at anything. There is nothing that makes me stand out, nothing that makes me special. I’m not a fantastic writer. I’m not a math wiz. I don’t know everything about politics and history. There is no way I should be a science major. I’m not fluent in Spanish, I’m not a magnificent pianist.. I can’t get all of the developmentally disabled students in my partners class to have a connection with me. Even my hobbies.. I love theater, but I am nowhere near good enough to be considered an actress. I adore singing, but I can’t sing well enough for that to matter. Baking is most likely what I’m best at, although it’s simply following a recipe and maybe changing a few things. Anyone can do that. I sew, but I’m no seamstress. I feel like a complete and utter idiot. It’s entirely possible that I’ve pushed myself away from everyone. Nothing calls to me. Nothing has saved my life. I don’t have a passion. I’m not different, there’s nothing to me, no matter how much I wish I could say there is.

inspirezme:

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